If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??