Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
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He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
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The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.