ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?