Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
this is an emotional support booty call