eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It was confusing and full of hummus
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises