I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
