hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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