remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
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Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
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WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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