smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
