Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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