names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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