pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
