Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
