I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
