So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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