it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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