Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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