Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
