I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
