White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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