I CAN MOONWALK!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
