the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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