I didn't shave. On purpose
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
