at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
