Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize