I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
