I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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