I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
