i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
