Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
