did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize