Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
