your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
