he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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