i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
