god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize