if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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