Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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