I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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