if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
