Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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