I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
