he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
