Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
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shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
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That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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