We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
