You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
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and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
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It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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