I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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