I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
