Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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