life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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