Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
