She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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