Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I need to calm my uterus...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize