Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If its not for food we ain't going out.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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