i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize