So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
