im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
