can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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