I'm so fucking centered right now
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
