Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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