JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
